From encouraging her to choose a helicopter, and not only a doll, as a toy if she so desires having open conversations with her about clothes, makeup, and sexuality debunking the myth that women are somehow biologically arranged to be in the kitchen making dinner, and that men can "allow" women to have full careers, Dear Ijeawele goes right to the heart of sexual politics in the twenty-first century. Here are fifteen invaluable suggestions-compelling, direct, wryly funny, and perceptive-for how to empower a daughter to become a strong, independent woman. Dear Ijeawele is Adichie's letter of response. These rules are a good reminder for all of us.From the best-selling author of Americanah and We Should All Be Feminists comes a powerful new statement about feminism today-written as a letter to a friend.Ī few years ago, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie received a letter from a dear friend from childhood, asking her how to raise her baby girl as a feminist. These aren’t just lessons for a mother raising a child. The piece is much more in depth and nuanced and very much worth a close read in its entirety. Of course, we’re only just scratching the surface here. In teaching her about oppression, be careful not to turn the oppressed into saints.Teach her to question our culture’s selective use of biology as ‘reasons’ for social norms.Be deliberate about how you engage with her and her appearance.Never speak of marriage as an achievement.Beware the danger of what I call Feminism Lite.Teach her that ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense.Sadly, the reality in most marriages is that the answer to that question would often be no, and the reason would be gender-based – that absurd idea of ‘men will be men.’”Īdichie proceeds to lay out her fifteen suggestions for how her friend should raise her child. If Chudi sleeps with another woman and you forgive him, would the same be true if you slept with another man? If the answer is yes then your choosing to forgive him can be a feminist choice because it is not shaped by a gender inequality.
But I think staying can also be a feminist choice, depending on the context. “For example: many people believe that a woman’s feminist response to a husband’s infidelity should be to leave. The second is a question: “can you reverse X and get the same results?” Not ‘if only.’ Not ‘as long as.’ I matter equally. What is your premise? Your feminist premise should be: I matter. “The solid unbending belief that you start off with. The first of Adichie’s ‘Feminist Tools’ is one’s premise.
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